Talk:The Valtia Order Academy/@comment-25907319-20150114045948
'Pt. I ' Before I comment on The Valtia Academy, I need to complain about how shitty Wikia has become in general. I cannot believe the shit that happens every five seconds. Such bloody blasphemy! When I am only preparing to click a page, or in the middle of typing, Google Chrome has to save me from websites attempting to phish. McAfee Virus notified me four times in ten minutes that it quarantined Trojans. And for this reason, I will no longer use Wikia for any reason whatsoever. And frankly, neither should you! But hey, it's your choice. I only recommend using Wordpress or Blogspot if you change your mind. So, after reading this Bible of a chapter, I felt somewhat overwhelmed considering all of what happened. Yet, all of what happened did not surprise me. I know how you write, I know the topics you primarily dabble on with this story. Violence, sociality, and sexuality! So do not take it the wrong way. However, maybe shake it up and have some chapters low-key drama and high-key tranquility (yes, it sometimes helps). Sometimes it is best to relax and expand upon introspection while exploring the power of solitude. I did not notice too much introspection in this chapter, although I would love to see how characters perceive themselves and their situations from a detached (rather than attached) point of you. Even then, that's not to say it was appropriate in this chapter, so the tone is correct (and is a volatile yet exhilarating ride throughout because of it). I also enjoyed this chapter far more than the older chapter. While I don't remember too much from the old chapter, I do remember that you sometime used "fire magic" (maybe this was in another chapter, I cannot quite recall). But I found it tacky, honestly. I found it unfair how you were the first character to exploit magic, it made your character Mary-Sue-ish. I do not hate magic, I only wished a more egalitarian approach. Then again, I am all for an attempt at integrity and fairness. Out of all of these mystic events, the most intriguing was the encounter between you and Shinju. You probably remember how I initially reacted to it. I also recall how you perceived my reaction as indicating narrow-mindedness. I responded the way I did considering my beliefs that "many things could go wrong." I figured it was too quick, too unrealistic – considering you two just met. I also remember her being a succubae, so that explains "part of it." I was afraid this would turn out to be a casual affair that would detract from the story. This explained why I was very skeptical at first, and frankly still am somewhat. Relationships are good and all in stories, but there is one common element I loathe. I hate how the two lovers, and I have read this in past books by other authors, completely alienate everyone else around them. It even alienates me, it seems extremely self-indulgent (but I can't talk there, my writing prose is as self-indulgent as yours!). It also could possibly ruin your relationship with other characters, depending on how it naturally occurs. And what would be tragic to see is a ruined relationship with someone you or Shinju barely met or considered. Although this encounter was the most intriguing, you two were not my favorite characters. I did enjoy your snarky comments from time to time. They all reminded me of who you were, the Cynical yet Passionate Individual craving for Intimate Understanding. Shinju is very much the same way, but I know little about her and more about you. I do not know much about her yet. All I know is that you two bonded and now you are life partners. And that she has a sassy tongue and priority for sentimentality as you. The chapter is centered on you! I understand this, considering the events revolved around you. This only was as true because you were the only "half-human" there, whereas people in your group were not human at all! Shinju is even a half-breed as you, so I already know you two have many similarities also! Although, I am sure cognitively speaking, everyone else remains similar. And, of course, anatomically, linguistically, and socially, you are all more or less the same. Now I enlightened you with the small picture of what Matthias should understand! Maybe history is clouding his judgment… Going back to you and Shinju. I would love to see more differences between the two of you. Differences, rather than similarities, are what keep the engines in relationships running. Of course similarities are necessary, yet differences are exciting to toy around with because then both of you are "testing" each other's trust and understanding for each other. And, as much as I dislike how "mushy" relationships can get, I delight in noticing the more catty moments. You two did talk to each other sassily, so that is a good start. However, also focus on trait differences between the two of you that conflict from one another. Perhaps use such devices to have Shinju and Robert thrown out of their comfort zone. Keep the relationship alive by making it less predictable, after all the more "unique" (and that you could help with trait differences and have them possess different ethos that would contradict, even conflict with one another), the more it will stand out. I also think Robert would benefit in character development, eventually with a more optimistic outlook in life. Of course, I didn't expect that in this chapter because it's too early for such a start. I did find it disheartening to hear your apathetic reaction to your parent's death, although it did indeed lead you to this location (or did it not?). You didn't seem to care much, I didn't quite understand that. Please tell me more in detail when you read this how your past on Earth will affect future events. Or at least, how you choose for it to affect such events. And in either case, Robert's potential optimism will give him the confidence he eventually needs. Now unless, you would want for him to die and have him accomplish nothing, then the introduction would remain unashamedly deceptive. And I would hate that! (I don’t matter as much as you, though in this story). Sorry, you need to stay tuned for more tomorrow!